Wow three years since I've used this thing huh ? Well guess I'll give a quick rundown.

Now dating a man named Mike for a little over 2 years now. He's pretty awesome. It's hard to ask for more in one person. The only things that truly bother me about him and that I would give a lot to change is the fact that he smokes and that he doesn't believe in god. The second one being the worst. He's also a little bit of a marriage/kids/growing up a-phobe. But he has some pretty amazing qualities that help work with the rest. LOL. He's very sweet to me. Funny how romantic he can be when he wants to be. I think my newness is wearing off a bit though cause ever since we got a place just the two of us the romance has decreased drasticlally and now we're like an old married couple that isn't married. He knows me better than I know myself sometimes too and for some reason still loves me. He puts up with my crazy and my mood swings. Which is a HUGE test of his patience. He's also super cute and he knows it, little turd. He's a nut and makes me laugh all the time. He always knows how to make me smile even when I'm trying not to. His hugs are the best and he doesn't know that my most favorite thing about him are also the things I say annoy me when I'm grumpy. He's almost always positive and helps keep me going too. Everytime I think my life is falling apart. He hugs me and says it's all gonna be okay "you'll see" which is pretty intuitive for someone who doesn't believe in God or faith. He knows its going to be okay, he just doesn't know that God is the one that will make sure of it.

What else, work. Been working at TWC for about a year and a half now. I half love it and half hate it. I love the company and the customers. Not crazy about the micro-managing that my latest supervisor does. My previous one didn't bug me at all unless he had to give me info or something. This one however is super nice but also is not as knowledgable as the last one and is also way more negative. I'm not really sure he makes a great supervisor, but is definitely a cool person other than that.

Dad and I have actually somehow become cool with each other. He's actually been telling me he's proud of me and doesn't worry about me near as much as my siblings. Mom and Serena are in some bizarre fight that I really don't understand. Well I guess I should say Serena is mad at Mom for some crazy BS reason. I'm not sure if it's real or in her head or if it's just that her husbands issues have made her believe it's her. Been there and it sucks but I don't really know how to help her. I miss my niece and nephew that's for sure. Robert is doing okay except he's itching to go back to California, which is something else I don't understand. I don't know how or why anyone would want to barely get by for "their dream" that isn't coming true. In cali he has nothing except a few friends that probably one one family actually gives a damn about him. Here he has friends, family, a job, and is making enough money to support him, his wife, and their kids.

I'm back at school again, ive been in and out alot because I just get pulled away by excuses alot. Money, time, jobs, people, it's always something.

I'm slowly learning who my real friends are and who are just users. Sadly some of the ones that I thought were my true friends, really just use me for their convenience. Although one in particular really upsets me because I don't think she wants to be that way but she just can't seem to get her stuff together. It's pretty frustrating.

Other than that it's pretty much the same ol same ol. Hope all of you out there are doing well. I miss a lot of you.

Peace out,
Sam

The past.

So here I am sitting here thinking of so many great people in my past life. There are a few people I am really missing right now. I would give so much to just talk to them for a little while and have them be a part of my life again even if only for a moment.

Especially Cody, he was my perfect compliment. We had so much in common and liked almost all the same things. There is so much about him that I miss right now. So much it hurts. And now he's getting married and won't even speak to me. It hurts I won't lie. He was my best friend for a while there and got me through some pretty rough times. I wish more than anything I hadn't screwed that up.

Amos too. Similar situation. Me and my stupid pride coming between what I really wanted and what I would admit. I could really kick my own ass for being so prideful and stupid, causing me to lose two of the best friends I've ever known.

Guys I wish upon wish that I could have you in my life again. I miss you very much and I'm sorry for pushing you out of my life. You have no idea how sorry I am for that.

Some things never change...

You know it's funny, sometimes you need reminding of where you stand in a situation, but as soon as you are back in it. You realize, "I've done this before and nothing has changed." Time and distance away from the situation makes you forget what was wrong with it. But you test the waters again anyways hoping that it will be different and you realize it's exactly the same as it was the last time you stuck your toe in for a test.

Sometimes I truly think I am retarded. I mean who else would keep running their head into the same wall in the same place and not realize it hurts and you should probably stop doing it ?

This has happened in so many ways to me lately. Friendships, relationships, work, etc... The one thing that I have done differently is school and I'm loving it ! Everything else... same dissapointments over and over again.

But what I realize too... If I have changed my outlook on a given scenario or I'm not willing to change myself then why should I believe that those situations are gonna change ? You just can't fit a square piece into a round hole, it just doesn't work. You're either gonna have to change the shape of one or the other or get a different piece.

This is a very hard lesson for me to learn and apparently I'm pretty slow at learning it. Hopefully I will sort it all out soon as I'm tired of running my head against this damn wall.

Yay me !

Had my FIRST drafting class tonight ! It is AWESOME !! My teacher is so cool and laid back. I'm the only girl in my class which is fine by me. And the best part !??! I get credit for drawing and creating shit I would normally sit around and do for fun anyway ! How cool is that ? I get to design three or four houses, and all kinds of other cool shit. THEN when I pick my favorite one, I get to put it in the machine and it will build me a plastic replica of my house !! Friggin sweet !

Oh and in case you didn't get it from the above... I LOVE MY NEW CLASS !!

Thank you lord for finally leading me in a direction I'm excited about. Thanks for everything actually !

Woot !

Just got approved for Financial Aid and got a new job !! Yay me !! I can finally afford to go to school full time !!! Whoo hoo !!

I am so totally stoked !!

I just got accepted into the Architectural and Engineering CAD Design program at school !!! I should have my certification in one year, my associates in 2 and my bachelors in 4 !!! Woot for me !!

Is it really July already ?

Wow I can't believe it's been 6 months since I've posted on here. Man time flies when you are busy.

So let's start with what's new. I quit my job last week because they changed my hours so that I can't go to school and are still dragging their feet on my promotion. So now I am out looking for something else. I am trying to buy a house which I am pretty excited about. If I can't find anything for work though I am probably going to rejoin the navy, which wouldn't be so bad seeing as I love men in uniform ! LOL I know I know but I can't help it...

Coy still HATES me with a passion. He claims to have a new girlfriend who is "so much better than I ever was" but somehow I honestly don't believe him. He's also told me a lot of other stuff he thinks is going to hurt me, but fortunately for me I realized a while back that he is only trying to get to me. He doesn't really mean any of it, he just needs to stay angry and hateful so that he keeps from accepting he fucked up AGAIN.

No one boyfriend at the moment... I have a couple guys trying but I just am not interested. I have lost pretty much all faith in men and really just don't want anything to with them at this point. I would probably just turn gay except I can't stand women either. Not to mention I kinda have a thing for men. But anyways you get the point.

So I have really not been myself since the divorce. I think I have just given up to the point that I just flat out don't care. I went out dancing a couple weeks ago with some friends. I met a guy there (a friend of a friend). Anyways long story short the guy was the hottest man I have ever spoken to in my life !! And up there in the top 10% ever seen, INCLUDING Vin Diesel, Channing Tatum, and Wentworth Miller. I ended up making out with the guy in the bathroom of a burger joint. With him BEGGING me for more ! I can't even believe I could pull that quality of a man. But DAMN !! Turns out the guy was a soldier just got back from Iraq ( I swear I can pick em out of a lineup, and not on purpose !) and he's married ! Go figure, just my luck right ? Why does this always happen to me ? Anyways, he and his wife have now split up (not because of me, but for other reasons) but he hasn't called me or whatever, so I guess it's probably better that way seeing as I've sworn off soldiers. But my goodness they just look so damn hot in that uniform !! What's a girl to do ?

So what else.... my dog passed away a couple months ago. She was 12. I've made a bunch of new friends but I guess I wouldn't really call them friends as most of them really are just trying to get in my pants.

I started going to a new church which I really like. Really laid back. The preacher wears tennis shoes and shorts and they have a pretty cool band too. Lots of events to go to as well.

I can't really think of anything else, so I will close now.

Just want to give a shout out to my boys in the desert though, you are in my thoughts and prayers. Victor, Mike, Dave, oh and my girl Jen too. Stay safe out there guys ! I love you all.

Peace,
Sam